I remember telling my mom that I felt like killing myself and her laughing at me and telling me that if I felt that way, then I’m not worth anything and I should kill myself. A day later I heard her laughing about it with her friend when she didn’t know I was home. I remember my ex mocking me as I screamed and cried about how she was hurting me. I remember my dad physically abusing me. I remember my brother sexually abusing me. I remember being threatened with homelessness. I can’t talk about anything or confront anyone because I have to protect myself. I have spent my entire life fighting back against people who want to convince me that I’m worthless and disgusting. I have no one to tell me that my life means something and that my mistakes and flaws don’t define me. I can’t handle being told that I’m not good for anything and knowing the one person I care about can’t stand me. I hate that I’ve become dependent on other people to tell me that I’m worth something, but I really just can’t do it anymore. I remember every single time someone took the time to make me understand that I’m horrible. I’m bad for everyone and I just wish I had saved everyone the time and killed myself a long time ago.